Let's Make America Great Again

This is what I'd like the Queen to say should she ever meet Donald Trump.

Let's Make America Great Again

Philip, now I am told Donald doesn’t like leaks

So I have been using Tena Lady for the last few weeks

I’d like to meet him because I’ve seen a lot in my 64 years on the throne

And a man like Trump is impossible to condone.


First he went in for the pussy grab

Then it was the global gag

Something has to be done about this misogynistic shit bag

Who gets seedier and seedier

Greedier and greedier

And blocks dissent on social media

And I will not let him run the world off a cliff

With his small hands and dodgy quiff


So I would have liked to have met him, yes,

and I would have told him that it's OK to love the KKK

Then grab his Pyongyang

And pranged him in the wang

Torched his todger

And told him it's OK to be a tax dodger

Welcomed him as a far-right nationalist

By giving his old chap a short sharp twist


I’d swing him by the schlong

Dangle him by the ding dong

Let him feel the heat of being a climate change denier 

By sizzling his shaft in a deep fat fryer

I’d twizzle his member into all kinds of distortions

While he funds conversion therapy, bans abortions

I’d mangle it, do it while he’s taking a piss,

And watch that boosts ratings on The Apprentice


Putin’s pal he owes his place in history to internet trolls

And Russian bots who destabilised the polls

And please, I wish he would stop trying to Keep up with Kim,

Between Donald and him, I don’t know where to begin;

So POTUS please: stop posturing about your Nuclear Power

Stick to cheating at golf and gilding Trump Tower

And if you really want to see something go ballistic, think of Melania, unleashing fire and fury, bringing the thunder

Because your marital forecast sure looks Stormy now, after that blunder

Keep your rocket in your pocket man; Your bombast may rid the world of nukes

But you’re still a sucker for a stripper in Daisy Dukes.


So Phillip, I would have liked to have met him, yes

So I could kick this demagogue in the cajones and take a vice to each ball

And say:  ‘That’s price you pay Donald, for even thinking about building a wall.

It’s torture, yes Trump, but fire must be met with fire, so how about castration

For attempting to undo all the work of the Obama administration?'


I think of him in his tower, Philip I do, and I wonder how Trump sleeps

While Lady Liberty still thrusting her defiant torch in the air, weeps.


Clair Whitefield