I'd Give My All To Be A Gaul

This is an oldie. Belongs to another time and place. Written in 2010. Tweaked in 2023. Let the anachronisms and dated refs remain.

I'd Give My All To Be A Gaul

I know it sounds unpatriotic
But I’ve always wanted to be a little more exotic
A little less Home Counties, a little more charming Ingénue
A little less Kate Twinset- how do you do? a little more Je m'appelle Audrey Tatou
And I know it sounds mental
I want all my breakfasts to be continental

I want to run my fingers along the rails of the Galleries Lafayette
Blow Eiffel Tower shaped smoke rings from my Gauloise cigarette
I want to walk the same streets that made love to Gainsbourg and Birkin
And I want to drink my Kronenberg on the Left Bank NOT at the Fox & Firkin

I want a high street baker called PAUL not Gregg
I want to go to work on an oeuf not an egg
I want to swap my British reserve for French insouciance and the art of being Nosey
And I'd like to trade Nick and David for Carla Bruni and Sarkozy
I don't want sliced white, I want fresh golden baguette
To loose my heart in Montmartre and do something I'll regret

Because more than Beckham hates the subs bench
More than the Marquis de Sade craved a wench
More than the BAFTAs love Dame Judy Dench
Yes- That’s how much I want to be French!